41 weeks = Patience Practice

I decided that until baby comes, I'll just keep falling deeper and deeper into my 70s SF hippie alter ego. On the walk home from a chiropractor appointment, I came across Mickey's Monkey on lower Haight. This crazy mumu dress thing was in the window and made me stop in. I was feeling somewhat blue and it struck me as 1) kinda ugly in an awesome way, 2) screaming home birth mama, and 3) may fit me now, would totally fit postpartum, and may look cute with my thrifted red CorkEase platform sandals and the right top knot or Maude braids.  When the shop owner told me it was $25, I bought it without trying it on and he even gave me a "prospective mama" discount of no tax. :) I was actually surprised when I got home to learn that it fits (very few things do right now)!

So... 41 weeks. I was hoping to not be here, but the non-stress test at the hospital confirmed baby is perfectly healthy. We go for another tomorrow. They will want to induce by Tues or Wed, I'm not sure. In the meantime, I've tried everything I know and have heard of to help encourage the babe to come. It's been a mental test. Here's the list and I'm probably forgetting some things: yoga, acupuncture, chiropractor, prostaglandins, herbal tinctures (black cohosh & cotton bark), therapist (to "let go" of any possible mental blocks), positive visualization, meditation, talking to baby and explaining how ready we are-- I'll stop now because just writing all this out is making me sad! I know I can't force this to happen and that the baby is another person who has a say in the situation. Folks point out this is a good lesson in parenting - that things do not go as planned. I go through waves where I'm fine with everything and then other times where panic sets in. We've just prepared so much for this baby and I worry about the health risks involved if we have to induce. I know you're not supposed to get too attached to your birth plan, but I'm not ready yet to give up on our plans for a natural water birth at home.

I can say that a HUGE positive step of progress was that yesterday I lost my mucus plug (!!!!!). I apologize if that's an overshare, but it happens and it was such an exciting sign for me that my body is getting more ready to give birth. I had just finished having a good cry that morning about baby not being here: was it my fault for working late into pregnancy or for not being in the right head space, etc.? Eric was super reassuring, supportive, and calming. After, I took a shower and when I got out, I noticed something on the bathroom floor and immediately knew what it was. It's silly, but I was SO happy. I even took a few pics with me giving a big thumbs up next to it. I'll spare you those, but was remembering the pics we saw in our home birth class. Again, "Everything is normal (and sort of beautiful)" is the mantra I took away from those 6 Mondays evenings.

So today I'm listening to an amazing 90s LadyJamz mix my friend, Lilly made. It has SWV, Mary J. Blige, loads of Mariah, and is seriously making my day. I'll continue to read Gone Girl, which I'm so happy is really is a page-turner and great distraction from worrying. Today is Eric's last day of work for 2 weeks (HOORAH!!!). My plan is to keep doing all my homeopathic rituals and do my best to stay positive & patient. If the babe hasn't arrived by Sunday morning, I'll try castor oil and continue to hope for the best. Wish us luck. We love you all so much.